Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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