somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize