apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
