i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
