I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
