okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
There are leaves in my underwear?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
