In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
