Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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