She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
