My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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