apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
