Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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