the condom got lost in my hair
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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