she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
