It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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