I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
