thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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