btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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