How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Randomize
