so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
