You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
this is an emotional support booty call
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
