Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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