omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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