So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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