Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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