Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
