I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
