My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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