I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
