I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize