I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
