My nipple is on Facebook.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
