i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
