chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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