We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
