she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize