i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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