Your mouth is God's brothel.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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