my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
