His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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