Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Randomize
