I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
