you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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