So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
