Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
