Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
