goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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