Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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