if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
