24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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