Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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