i jhust puked up my retainher.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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