drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
