so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
