I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
