take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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