So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I wish I only lived at night.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
