Too much gin, very little bucket
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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