Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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