your parents love me but you hate me
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Randomize
