dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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