That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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