You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
never play flip cup with pint glasses
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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