im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
