When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
