I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
sarcasm needs its own font
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
