Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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