well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
