Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
