id be glad to
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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