HIV tests are more positive than that guy
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
