I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
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