I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
