well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Randomize
