Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
