I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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