They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize