He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
