i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
