i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
