got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
