i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
