Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
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