At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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