I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
