god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
