I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
if only i could text you this smell
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
