Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
