Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I can't trust your balls anymore.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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