i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
