Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
two words: eviction party
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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