he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
