I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
