The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
my liver is dry heaving
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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