Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
