Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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