my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
