I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
