rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
