my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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