I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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