I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize